IF YOU THINK YOU NEED TO BE THIN TO BE CONFIDENT, READ THIS

Something that I hear over and over from women is that they really were more confident when they we’re thinner, so how could they be confident in a bigger body?

Or women will tell me that they wonder how women in larger bodies are confident, like how are they so confident, I wish I could be that way?

Since we live in a world that praises people in smaller bodies and shames those in larger ones, I understand why we feel this way.

We believe that confidence is something we need to earn by being thin. That it’s some elusive thing that we only have access to in a smaller body.

But confidence is not some badge you earn the right to wear by checking off certain boxes like….

Nice clothes,

Hot bod,

Good grades,

Fancy handbag

Cool boyfriend

= confidence

That's not how this thing works. There are plenty of people in this world who have ALL of those things and still are not confident.

And that’s because confidence is a way of being, not something you earn the right to.

Like even if you are really mad at your partner, you can still BE loving towards them. Or you can be really angry at your child for making a mess and still BE kind towards them. You might not be rich, but you can still BE generous with people.

Just like you can BE confident no matter what you look like.

The problem is that our society has lead us to believe that we only have permission to BE confident if we are thin.

As a result, we only give ourselves permission to BE confident when our body looks a certain way.

And that is bullshit.

All you have to do is say F-it to society, and then give yourself permission to be confident right now in the body you have, and then choose to be that way.

Because you deserve it.

I know that is easier said then done, but here is what I mean:

Think about a confident version of yourself..., how would they act, what would that version of yourself do differently in life?

Would confident you....

Be more outgoing,

Raise your hand in class,

Ask for the raise or promotion,

Go out on more dates,

Enjoy more sex,

Take better care of yourself.

Give less fucks about what people think.

None of those things require a smaller body.

None of them require weight loss.

The problem is that you have been believing that you only have permission to BE confident and act that way if you are thin.

You have been believing you only have access to confidence when you are thinner.

And the beautiful thing about beliefs is that they can change. You can decide that you are going to start believing something else.

You can choose to stop believing that you need a small body to be confident and then give yourself permission to BE confident right now.

That is why there are plenty of women in all body types who are confident. They choose to BE that way.

A smaller body is only standing between you and confidence if you choose to let it.

xx

C

WHY FOOD AND EATING IS SO COMPLICATED

If food is one of the most complicated things in your life, then read on, this post is for you.

Think back to a time when eating was easy....,

Like, you didn't have to think too much about it,

you ate what you wanted,

pretty much stopped when you were full,

and it was kinda #NBD.

I am willing to bet that things only started becoming complicated after you started adding in food rules (likely in hopes of losing weight), that you learned from some external source in Diet Culture.

Maybe it was a diet like Atkins, or to not eat past 7:00 pm or just a general warning of sugar or to not eat more then 2 tbsp of peanut butter at a time. You get the point...

By using these external guidelines, we actually start to disconnect from our natural biological instincts around food and we attempt control or even ignore our internal cues around cravings or hunger.

As time goes by and we try following various rules and regulations without getting the results we want, our frustration builds. And the problem most likely snowballs into intense emotional eating or binge eating as a natural biological reaction to the restriction.

Many of us will spend years looking for the "right" diet or set of rules to solve our problems with food.

We will try going vegan, or paleo, or whole 30, or intermittent fasting all in hopes that it will make eating easy but it's not until we realize that the answers are within us, not outside of us, that true healing can begin.

Because here is the hard truth and some tough love:

If following food rules and restrictions created this problem, implementing different rules or more rules will not solve it.

In order to make eating easy again, we need to work on restoring trust within ourselves, letting go of alllllll the food rules and practicing intuitive eating.

After all, Intuitive eating is our default setting. It's how we are designed.

We didn't pop out of the womb with all these food rules, we popped out of the womb listening to our biological instincts.

Connecting to our intuition around food allows us to know what to eat and when with ease and simplicity.

I hope this cleared some things up for you!

xo

C

REDEFINING WRINKLES

Because of the world we live in, that is constantly bombarding us with an oppressive narrative about our bodies never being good enough...,

body image work can be an ongoing, never ending process where we have to continually remind ourselves where our true worth lies.

While I have moments where I sometimes do not love the way my body looks, with practice, I have gotten really good at not letting it mean anything. I can let it go and move on with my day without it effecting my mood.

But after years of work to make peace with my cellulite, I now have another naturally occurring part of my body to reckon with.

My wrinkles.

Seems like there is always a part of a women's body that can be turned into a weapon to be used against her....,

to take her time, awareness, self-esteem, sense of self-worth and money away.

I remember the very first time I noticed fine lines near my eyes. I was 25 years old and it gave me incredible anxiety.

Since then, the lines on my face have only increased and each day I am having to redefine what they mean for myself.

Because I refuse to accept societies narrative about wrinkles representing a diminution of worth.

It doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t come up.

They come up but I remind myself what these wrinkles actually represent.

Because, I get to define them for myself.

These wrinkles represent the amazing amounts of fun I’ve had dancing until the sun comes up.

...of the crazy times I’ve had at Burning Man and Coachella with my friends.

I would not trade less wrinkles for those experiences, ever.

They remind me of the hardest years of my life, where I was the most depressed and sad I’ve ever been so I smoked cigarettes to cope.

I would not trade the hard times for less wrinkles because they taught me so much.

They remind me of how lucky I am and of how much fun I’ve had the last 12 years living in SoCal where it's sunny nearly every single day.

I would not trade the feeling of the warm sun on my face for less wrinkles.

These wrinkles remind me that I am still fucking alive.

That I’ve had the PRIVILEGE of getting older.

A gift not everyone gets.

They represent the years I’ve been here on earth, learning, expanding, growing, evolving, transforming and witnessing the gift of life.

I refuse to believe that these lines of experience and wisdom that grace my face make me less beautiful.

I refuse to pander and acquiesce to the violent, oppressive, money-seeking narrative about women with wrinkles.

Everyday when I look in the mirror and inspect the increasing number of them, I rewrite the narrative.

For myself and for all women.

We should not be embarrassed or ashamed or have to spend our hard earned cash trying to erase the story lines of our lives from our face.

Fuck that.

For every women who has ever been made to feel less than because of the way she looked. I love you

xo C